Love...

Been here before, cos when it rains it pours
Don’t wanna go back to feeling that insecure,
Where I can’t even be myself,
Where it feels like I need you to live,
Where you become a summation of my existence,
Where your approval is my oxygen,
How I prefer to stick around what kills me and fully sidestep my remedy,
This addiction, this dependency, this fixation on you will eventually be the end of me.

How did I let it get to this,
Become so wrapped up in this fantasy,
that feels so right, yet so wrong for me,
How you tear me down and yet make me this amazon,
How to the world I’m a gladiator but with you I’m this feeble invertebrate,
Remains my question every time i get to feeling like this,
Cos when its all said and done,
You are not gonna have any use for me,
On to the next one, cos you live for the gory satisfaction you get from the experiences of your victims.

                                                                                 

My choice at this crossroads,
will either be the death or the life of me.
I know I have to……no, I need to get over you,
But I don’t wanna go, cos I’ve tricked myself and you have successfully influenced me into believing you would die without me, how your life would make no meaning without me and I insist on being your saviour,
Ultimately, time they say, heals everything
More time to me would only be opportunities to languish in memories of how You and I would have been the best thing to ever happen,
Is that your definition of healing?
Well I don’t wanna heal, only the wounded need help,
Cos to me, I am not wounded.
I’m in love.



Abby Botsha©
IG: abbybotsha
Botsha Abigail